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at the risk of understatement, iapos;m not a social person... I hate being interrupted...even if iapos;m not doing anything b/c most ppl iapos;d rather avoid interacting with...
i avoid opening the door unless iapos;m expecting someone.
well whoever it is, is taking longer than the usual solicitor to depart...so i get up to see if itapos;s maybe the landlord or one of the neighbors...
2 identically dressed (iapos;m thinking uniformed) young guys...i havenapos;t actually been visited by a jehovah witness or a mormon before so iapos;m not sure which it is...or if they represent some other collective delusion...
"good evening maapos;am...we have an important message from our lord jesus christ..." SLAM

i think bashing their heads in w/a crowbar will make a nice fantasy...then leave it for the groundskeeper scum who stole my bike to clean up...i just want to move somewhere where people arenapos;t...maybe the forest...
�

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I had a fabulous dream last night. In fact, I think I need never look for a girlfriend or boyfriend ever again. This dream girl was it. Sheapos;s the one Iapos;m supposed to meet and now I know sheapos;s out there somewhere. If sheapos;s not, can we just maybe put me to sleep so I can visit her every night? She was fantastic That would be amazing

And now Iapos;m awake. Ah well.


I took a couple of days to myself this week. I really wanted to shut down the lines of communication and just sort of re-center myself. Itapos;s so easy to get caught up in whatapos;s going on around you to the point that all you can do is react. I need to get back into just ACTING on my own without the outside influences. It sounds simple enough but it can be a handful...particularly when you know so many people. Itapos;s so easy to get caught and pulled in various different directions. So I put on the brakes...

SCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH

Why is it so easy for people to make you unhappy? I think about this and see the fatal flaw. People canapos;t -make- you anything. Itapos;s whatever you allow yourself to be. Ahah Suddenly I feel truly inspired. Iapos;m enlightened. You can see the beams and rays flying off of me...only...Well not really. Iapos;ve known this all along but it doesnapos;t make it easier. When you love, you risk getting hurt. When you have friends, you run the risk of having them love you...or hate you...or desire your attention. Itapos;s fine, really. Itapos;s just all at once. But what do I want anyway? Miss Heidi What do you -really- want?

Iapos;m a little lost again. What happened to my roadmap?

Iapos;ll tell you what I did. I read a little. I watched a lot of crime shows. You know, all of those innitials. NCIS...CSI.... That goth chick is smokin Actually a lot of those chicks were. Iapos;ve got this thing for House and for Cutty...or Kutty or...whatever the hell her name is Anyway, I became a complete potato and loved it. I spent some time staring into the ocean and driving about with very little volume on my music. Itapos;s been amazing.

Remind me to do more of that. I donapos;t have any answers just yet but I feel I can breath a little again and THAT is a good start.

So about this dream girl...*siiiiighs* Come back

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I know at least 5 people reading this blog�that tell me horoscopes mean nothing.� TONY

But if we have had a conversation recently you know what I�have been going through in my mind and how apprehensive I�have been about some things.�� Look at this.��

Saturday, Oct 18th, 2008 -- You could be entering into a fun-filled phase when your heart lightens and you want to express yourself in a more dramatic manner. Even if itapos;s difficult to find everything youapos;re looking for in love, you are more willing now to move forward with anticipation, rather than close down in fear. Although itapos;s hard to always feel safe with others, itapos;s much more pleasurable than withdrawing and doing everything by yourself.

Fitting isnt it TONY



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I think to chose a research question it is first important that you are really interested in a particular subject area. Depending on the area you are studying or intending to research, I feel like you have to find something yoursquo;re concerned about or a problem yoursquo;d like to fix.� If you decide to pick a problem or concern, you can do research to determine whether there is anything in your power that you can do to change or reverse it.� In our case, the professor wersquo;re working for is developing a web based to help improve communication in the new England fisheries, and also provide histories to inform the community. I feel like with our project, Professor St Martin found a problem with the fisheries, among them lack of communication between commercial fisherman, and decided that with his knowledge he can help alleviate the situation.� In this case it is to use GIS and other web based tools to create interactive maps open for commercial fisherman, encouraging communication etc�

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Bleh. Iapos;m ready to move. Like right now, this very moment actually. Iapos;m tired of this damn apartment and Iapos;m just done with this crap.
Excuse the terrible grammar. Iapos;m not looking forward to renewing the lease for another possible six months. The goal was to be out of here while he was deployed but with the economy going to hell in a hand basket.�That didnapos;t work out as planned. Iapos;m ready to just get a teepee and buy some land. Iapos;d have better chances at buying a piece of land than finding a bigger place to live anyhow.
Iapos;m awake at 4am. Why?
I hate these terrible sleep patterns I have developed.
I need a job. Iapos;ve turned in a few applications last week, Iapos;ll call them back on Monday and in the meantime, Iapos;m going to apply at the Comfort Suite because they are hiring for someone at the front desk. Yo. Someone hire me. Please? Iapos;m a quick learner and I�am totally easy to get along with and I donapos;t cause drama, I come in on time and I never miss work.
Ugh.



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Weeeee Thursday.

I donapos;t know whatapos;s happened lately, but Iapos;ve been overly content with my life. Itapos;s weird, but Iapos;m not questioning it.

I got a lot on my plate coming up:

Today

Working until 7, then going home and relaxing with either Friday the 13th (which I didnapos;t get to watch yet) or my Halloween tape.

Tomorrow

Working 9--4 (hooray for getting out early). Then Iapos;m going to work on Grad Stuff, do a load of wash, straighten up the apartment, and watch more scary movies.

Saturday

Picking up my Zipcar at 11, driving home to spend the day with my dad. Then, I will be picking up Lauryn Hill and Sarah Lee so that we can hang out and get drunk. Iapos;m excited to see Sarah�For those of you who donapos;t know, she was in the Peace Corp and is back for a couple weeks. Apparently the Bolivian government kicked them out of the country....eeeep. So I havenapos;t seen her in over a year. I figure weapos;ll get drunk, play wii, and go to LBC. Fun.

Sunday

After Lauren and Sarah leave, Iapos;ll be spending the day working on Grad School stuff.

Fast Forward to Tuesday

Tuesday

I will be going to California for a week�I <3 vacations�


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We all have our own battles and we all have loved, lost and been hurt umpteen times. We all still go through with live, holding fast to the belief that things will pick up and we will come close to our own happily ever after.

In a bid to reach my destination, I am going to draw lines. The boundaries which I set, denoting how far I am willing to go, in terms of giving my heart out.

It hurts when all you see is�ignorance and bleakness. You almost wish you did not have to see things they way they are. There is no black and white. We thrive on the continuum.

I cannot set my heart down in binary opposites. Like everything, I have grey areas too. Hence, thatapos;s where I am going to seek refuge. No more bordering on the polarities.

" How could I be expected to know? I was a child when I left... Why didnapos;t you tell me there was danger? Why didnapos;t you warn me?"

There is truth in the words on a page. Each page. And I am writing my own pages.

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